Night of the Living Dead

So, I'm at the gym on the exercise cycle and glance up at the bank of television screens mounted above me, and witness on one set the withered faces of Bob "Bob" Newhart (81 years old) exchanging dialogue with David "Illya / Ducky" McCallum (76 years old) in an episode of NCIS. On the adjoining screen was a new commercial with Bob "Showcase Showdown" Barker (87 years old) plugging State Farm Insurance - complete with iconic microphone in hand.

I watched their silent faces, secretly pleased to see a trio of familiar friends, and wondered who else in the room might share my private delight. An array of younger, harder bodies were oblivious.

I reflected on my own rapidly aging and saggy status, and pedaled my exercise bike even harder.

A Reboot That Works

While the first season of Fox's Human Target had an amazing pilot, later episodes ran the gamut from "damn good cup of coffee" to "eh, is this all you got?" More often than not, they fell under the latter, with the primary reason to watch at all being Jackie Earle Haley's deadpan portrayal as the man of mystery with only one name: Guerrero.


However, the second season reboot - which added two new female cast members, more reliance on pop music in the weekly scores, and a international espionage spy hook - is overall a better show. Mark Valley has settled into the role as the wry Christopher Chance and now wears it with a mix of humor and "tormented hero with a dark past" that is very engaging. Chi McBride's Winston huffs and puffs, but peeks into his quirky private life have helped to humanize the character. Count me in as pleasantly surprised (although the "Guerrero as master torturer jokes" have outworn their welcome).

Of course, for the past two weeks, Fox has been running double episodes on Wednesday nights back to back, which is never a good sign (especially since the show has only a 13 episode order). This usually is a sign of burning off a series, and that has me worried about a third season.

In other words, watch it now ... while you still can.

Kung Fu Requiem

Ashley Holt not only crafted the wonderful tribute artwork above, but writes about the death of David Carradine in a note perfect mix of childhood nostalgia, social commentary, and wry observation.

Who Knew Conan O'Brien Was In Such Great Shape?

Perhaps I'm easily amused, but I think this cross-country opening of Conan's taking over the command chair at NBC's The Tonight Show is nothing short of brilliant. The monologue that followed ... er, not so much, but I've never thought of him as a "joke teller" so much as a humorous conceptualist anyway. I've read reviews that griped about the numerous sketches during this first week of shows, but the critics seem to be missing the point. Of course the show is going to have a different feel with a new host, and like or loathe Leno, his filmed pieces usually fell flat (or celebrated the woeful ignorance of the American public). Even if Conan stumbles from time to time, credit his writing and production staff with being as experimental as possible in a new time slot with a potentially new (and larger) audience.

TV GUIDE: July 2, 1977

Borrowing (stealing) a page from Al Bigley's recent TV GUIDE-oriented blog posts, I dug out a vintage issue I had in the stack o' reading material for review. Nothing particularly special about this issue, at least on the surface - and what a ghastly surface to behold! Enjoy the awkward, yet strangely fascinating cover shown above featuring the stars of Alice! I picked it up at the flea market along with a handful of other issues for twenty-five cents a pop (not a bad price for instant nostalgia).

Here's three quick tidbits from inside this issue:

"Gaining nary a gray hair in the process, Wonder Woman will leap forward from World War II to 1977 merely by entering a disco time machine and ... sorry ... merely by switching the series from ABC to CBS next season. LYNDA CARTER as Wonder Woman will still assist an intelligence agent played by LYLE WAGGONER, but how does he stay young? Simple. He's now the son of the man Wonder Woman worked for 30 years ago."

First thought: Ewww. Second thought: This is the season where a so-called "cute" robot named Ira (?) was added to the cast. Final though: Shades of the Captain America/Peggy Carter/Sharon Carter love triangle, and if you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, you're probably reading the wrong blog ....

"New Version of Star Trek is On Launching Pad. Paramount Pictures is planning to produce 22 episodes of an all-new Star Trek to begin appearing in April 1978. It is part of an effort to create one night a week of prime-time programs on a proposed "fourth network' of independent and network-affiliated stations. Paramount has signed Gene Roddenberry, the original producer, to put together the new show at a cost of $400,000 an episode. Will Trekkie heroes from the original series be back? That hasn't been decided yet."

In other words, Shatner's in - he's tired of doing dinner theatre, but Nimoy's trying to get a piece of the action from the Trek-licensing machine at this particular junction of his career.

And lastly ...

"Paul Michael Glaser has returned to his role as Starsky in ABC's Starsky and Hutch. A lawsuit was in progress and two days of testimony had been taken when an agreement was reached between Glaser and the producers. In the settlement, the actor, who made $10,000 an episode last year and was to earn $12,500 for 1977-78, will get a raise and some directing assignments. His new salary is said to be $25,000 per show."

Shh! Settle down Glaser - do you want to give Nimoy ideas?

Seriously, do you?

Jaw-droppingly awful cover artwork copied from the good folks at http://www.coverbrowser.com/ ... lots of great magazine artwork (not including this example) to be found here!

Why Neutral eBay Feedback Sucks

So, another week goes by - another one of the scant few Andy Griffith biographies I have left sells on eBay.

The feedback I receive to go with my 100% positive feedback record?

"So no one else is disappointed:Bk has no Photos+Andy didn't sign-his writer did."

Of course, this is neutral feedback and not a negative, but it still stings. I have no way of responding on eBay in public, so I was going to email the buyer ... and then decided I didn't want to get into a war of the emails with an unarmed opponent.

That being said, here is my unsent reply, and why I think so-called "neutral" eBay feedback sucks:

Dear Disappointed,

Out of over 200 other purchases of this same book on eBay, no one else has been disappointed. I never have understood why, if someone isn't pleased with a item, why they can't be bothered to let the seller know. The book's description plainly says signed by the author. It lists no photos in the book and instead gives the name of Bill Neville, the illustrator.

Instead of leaving neutral feedback a simple request for a refund would have appreciated, and gladly given if not satisfied. Instead, to demonstrate your so-called cleverness, you have to leave a snide remark "warning" the world.

Somehow, I imagine you are the same kind of dimwit who leaves negative remarks about authors on the Amazon site in the Book Review section when you are upset over slow shipping or condition (both of which, let me add, since I know you don't bother to read descriptions, are things writers have absolutely no control over - those complaints should be directed at the seller).

Also, if you had an iota of savvy, you would know that a true Andy Griffith autograph isn't going to be selling on eBay for $14.99 in the first place. Griffith rarely signs anything, one of a multitude of facts to be learned in the disappointing book you purchased.

Sincerely yours,

Andy Griffith's Writer

There. Venting complete.

The Many Humiliations of Illya Kuryakin Part 2

Poor Illya K! We all know that kinky torture sessions are as common as brushing your teeth when you are a licensed agent of U.N.C.L.E., but even my hardened eyes are shocked at this sight! Illya clones or evil twins? Napoleon Solo on the dark side! Barbie with bunny ears? What fresh hell has our long-suffering hero landed in the midst of THIS time?

A Muppet's Tale

While screening the film A Knight's Tale today as part of a unit on Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales, I was suddenly struck with who the character Wot (played by Serenity's Alan Tudyk) kept reminding me of ... so, for your viewing pleasure, I give you the lastest separated at birth candidates:

Wot

Beaker

Bonus Thurday Muppet content ... Mental Floss recently contributed a fun "Secrets of the Muppets" piece to the CNN website. I did remember Oscar the Grouch as being orange in his first appearances, but never knew Miss Piggy was from Iowa. I guess what enlightened minds say is true ... we do learn something new every day.

The Best Television of 2008 Part 1

This will be a reoccurring series of posts as I recall what I caught on the TV Eye this past year that moved me, inspired me, and made an impact that still hums loudly and truthfully in my mind. In no particular order:

   

Lost: "The Constant." Originally aired February 28, 2008. Time travel is a central theme of this series, but never has it been used to ramp up the emotional stakes as seen in this episode (which was indeed award-worthy for both an intricate script by Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindel and lead performance by Henry Ian Cusick). I won't bother to give a synopsis here, since Lost fandom has already obsessively done so at this link. I will say that anyone who caught this episode remembers it vividly as a high water mark of the fourth season that mixes suspense, romance and mind-bending temporal theory.

   

Mad Men: "The Wheel." Originally aired October 18, 2007. Okay, I know this technically isn't a 2008 show, but later in 2008 is when I first saw it and was moved to tears. I'm not sure watching the 13th episode season finale would work out of context, but I caught Season One in rapid order thanks to the magic of the Tivo and it totally floored me for a sequence that was heart-wrenching. Advertising executive Don Draper mines his own family photo album and un-admitted (until this moment) internal fears to pitch Kodak on how to sell their then-new slide projector. The Kodak crew have been calling the device "the wheel," until Don renames it accordingly.

   

As Jon Hamm as Draper delivers the monologue reproduced below, he clicks from slide to slide to accent his selling points ... tracking his life backwards as he (and we - the viewers) realizes that perhaps he does indeed love his wife, his children, and this life he has created for himself, and quite possibly has lost them forever. The editing is simple, the pictures used grainy and fully carrying that captured in the moment "family photo" look, and the musical underscore here is devastatingly sad.

   

One of several Mad Men scripts nominated this year for an Emmy award (the winner was the Mad Men pilot, which was also brilliant and again makes me think that the season finale has the greater emotional resonance only if watched in the proper order at the end of show - frankly, if Mad Men has not seen a second season, this would have worked as a series finale as well), this was simply put unforgettable ... with an ending that was equally so in terms of placing Draper in a life that he had (once again) created for himself.

   

DON: “Technology is a glittering lure, but there's the rare occasion that the public can be engaged at a level beyond flash, that they have a sentimental bond with the product. My first job, I was in-house at a fur company with this old pro copywriter, a Greek named Teddy, and Teddy told me the most important idea in advertising is 'new.' Creates an itch — you simply put your product in there as a kind of calamine lotion. But he also talked about a deeper bond with the product — nostalgia. It's delicate but potent … Teddy told me that in Greek, nostalgia literally means 'the pain from an old wound.' It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship. It's a time machine. Goes backward, forward, takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called 'the wheel' — it's called 'the carousel.' It lets us travel the way a child travels, around and around and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved."

Atari 2600 Cartridges Forever

IGN is reporting that The Venture Bros. Season Three DVD set will be arriving sometime in the upcoming New Year. While this year's 13 episodes were a mixed bag (High Points: "The Buddy System," "What Goes Down, Must Go Up," and "Now Museum, Now You Don't" - Low Points: "Dr. Quymn, Medicine Woman," and "Tears of a Sea Cow"), only a series as twisted as this would have a season premiere that focused exclusively on the fates of the arch-villain and his hot wife without nary a sighting of Hank or Dean, the so-called "heroes" of the show. Oh, and you simply have to love the retro packaging ... "Yar's Revenge," anyone?

Six Degrees of Ron Howard's Hairpiece

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

The Many Humiliations of Illya Kuryakin Part 1

... See the glum expression being worn by our pal Illya in the cover photo? Perhaps he is sad at having his head confined in a tiny box, while fellow agent Napoleon Solo gets the full body glory shot, but I think it is because he read the script for this issue and wonders what fresh indignities will be thrust upon him next within the U.N.C.L.E. organization.

Don't feel bad, Illya. James Bond also has clown make-up on his resume (although I think you remain the only member of the 1960's spy fraternity to be shot out of a cannon). As witnessed in both story and cover blurb of Gold Key's The Man From U.N.C.L.E. #13.

Reason Number 288 ...

...why William Shatner will always be my all-time favorite actor.

Cool Books You Won't Find At Wal-Mart #2

Age of TV Heroes

The Live-Action Adventures of

Your Favorite Comic Book Characters

by Jason Hofius and George Khoury

Actually, as of this writing, you can't find this book ANYWHERE (the release date isn't until December 17, 2008), but check out that line-up on the cover! George Reeves, Adam West, Lynda Carter and Jackson Bostwick in their super-hero guises that inspired comic book fans throughout the 1950s to the present day as painted by Alex Ross.

Inside are interviews with the actors, producers, writers and creators who translated both Marvel and DC heroes alike into living icons for lovers of adventure and fantasy. Thrill to the memories of Nick Hammond (a.k.a. Spider-Man), John Wesley Shipp (The Flash) and even the current voice of Brock Samson himself, Patrick Warburton (or, as he was in his live-action incarnation, The Tick)!

A friend recently asked me if I ever get excited about anything these days ... well, here's something exciting, and we're all going to have to wait until Christmas to open our present!

PLAN 9 FROM U.N.C.L.E.

Winged Black Super-Hero!

Mego shout out this past week in the newest episode of The Venture Bros!

Doctor Orpheus shows off his new prototype action figures for "The Order of the Triad" to his teammates Jefferson Twilight and the Alchemist. Both are suitably impressed ("Merchandising! That's where the money's at!") until being told Hasbro turned down their proposal.

Still, Jefferson is impressed with the customization work: "Did you sculpt them yourself?"

Orpheus: "Oh, heavens no! Yours is an old repainted Mego Falcon."

The Alchemist figure was, amusingly, a "Spock with a bald spot."

Bigfoot Entry of the Day

I'm currently researching everyone's favorite missing link for a book project, which is leading me to some interesting articles and features that I'll be sharing in upcoming weeks. The photo below of Lee Majors in an odd-choice of porn star mustache, an obviously embarrassed Lindsay Wagoner and Ted "Lurch" Cassidy in a ratty Grizzly Adams beard and matching bearskin rug, is my quintessential memory of Bigfoot in the 1970s.

If you click the photo, it will take you to an article about not only Sasquatch, but also bionics and real-world applications! The author even name checks In Search Of ...!

Fun fact: The bionic version of 'the Foot' is what my father used to terrorize my baby sister into going to bed or otherwise behaving in the mid-seventies! Amusingly, Bigfoot went on to become an almost mythical presence -- like a furry tooth fairy or monster under the bed in our household.

A Selection of Books Finished in Recent Months

Soon I Will Be Invincible
Deconstructive super-heroism as recommended by Jackson Publick (co-creator of The Venture Bros.). I ended up coming away feeling about this book the same way I did about the movie Hancock. Amazing first half that addresses tried and true super-hero material in a new way, a middling second half that loses focus and, perhaps, tries too hard to make a ‘grand statement,’ and an ending that, while still shaky, still manages to ultimately redeem the material.

The Alchemist
A fife-affirming fable about finding what you think you really want, and how to respond when you do. Recommended.

Wally’s World
Depressing biography of comic book artist Wally Wood. Overwritten in several places, but well researched and done with love. Even with several (SEVERAL) chapters devoted to comic book history and filling-in-the-blanks of the industry for non-comics readers, this remains a “for fans only” tome.

Petey
Heartbreaking young adult novel based on a true story about the relationship between a troubled teen and an elderly man suffering from cerebral palsy. This one will make you cry (I did).

Batman: Hush Returns
A poorly written and drawn collection of Batman comic book stories centering on the villain Hush and his vendetta against the Dark Knight. The Joker subplot is the only thing that makes the volume redeemable, but even that uses chunks of Alan Moore and Brian Bolland’s The Killing Joke as the basis. Everything that is "bad" about modern-day Batman comics.

Superman: Red Son Rising
Surprisingly effective Elseworlds take on the Superman saga as filtered through a Communist Russia lens.

The Boy Detective Fails
The most impressive novel I’ve read in several years. Deconstructs the notion of the “boy sleuth” by revealing his sad middle age, the fates of his foes, and the final mystery involving his mystery-solving sister. Being someone who adored the Three Investigators and Encyclopedia Brown, this book spoke to me on a series of levels.

And Then We Came To The End
An amusing and touching look at 90’s corporate America. Not as good as the hype would have you believe, but well worth reading if you have ever worked in a cube or dealt with middle-management types.

Born Standing Up
Steve Martin bears all in regards to his stand-up career, with time spent on his formative years as a child, and the rich career in movies and literature brought to him via hard work and focused applications of talent. Martin is amazing – find this in the audio book form if you can to fully appreciate how well written a bio this truly is.

DC Guide To Action Figures
Lots of photos, very little text, and a total waste of time.

Fargo Rock City
Heavy metal dreams as filtered through the twisted sensibility of the American Midwest’s own Chuck Klosterman.

Killing Yourself To Live
More Chuck Klosterman. A reflective journey across America searching out meaning from ‘death sites’ of famous musicians and how it applies to his own life.

Blink
A thought provoking look at human perception, information retrieval and retention of same … you’ll never “see” the world around you again in the same way.

I Am America (And So Can You)
Stephen Colbert and a horde of television writers bring his “message” to the masses. Amusing, but not as nearly good as The Daily Show’s take on the American History textbook America.

Freakonomics
Wonderful non-fiction that actually makes economics and numbers a viable, living presence. A book that will truly "make you think." Witty and recommended

Lost In Hollywood

So, once again, a television property is taken into the hands of what passes for creativity in Hollywood these days and given the "Superstar" treatment ... this time, via the rapidly slowing down, yet still formidable Will Farrell comedy express.

The awful I-Spy ... the wretched Wild Wild West (minus the "The" in the title of the series) ... the feh-factor of The Avengers. -- craptacular and unwatchable wastes of time that shrived up to a squeaking husk when placed next to the originals, and are best left forgotten.

Next up before the box office executioner is my beloved 1970s childhood friend, Land of the Lost ... which, despite the under budgeted special effects and wince-inducing acting, was never designed as a show "for kids." With science fiction writers like David Gerrold and D.C. Fontana on board, the series was heady stuff with a detailed mythology and logic that crushed the rest of the sci-fi and fantasy live-action tripe hoisted on the Saturday-Morning set (Jason of Star Command, anyone? Ark II?).

Of course, the folks in charge of this movie remake seem to think they are making a comedy. Even the director says, "There is a sense of humor that I loved from the original show ..."

Are we talking about the same series? All our director is recalling are the surface details of a show with no budget shot under the time constrictions of kid-vid. There is no recognition of actually having watched the series. Frankly, smirking at shitty blue-screen work doesn't take a lot of wit.

Land of the Lost wasn't Electra Woman and Dyna Girl, Dr. Shinker or Sigmund and the Sea Monsters, okay? The show was played earnestly and straight ... not campy and stupid. Remaking LOTL as a comedy makes about as much sense has giving us a deadly serious Get Smart (a TV remake that actually looks watchable, since the powers-that-be appear to be adhering to the spirit of the show).

Unfortunately, this is one movie remake that is actually being made ... unlike the never-produced Jim Carrey yuk-fest of The Six Million Dollar Man (shudders). And, since we don't want Will Ferrell as a daddy, we get him hamming it up with a stand-up comedian and a hot babe instead of a son and daughter.

Jesus God. Didn't Bewitched teach Ferrell anything?

Still, they got one thing right ... check out the Sleestak!

Whoopie Once! Whoopie Twice!

Today, I'm flashing back to 1975.

I was eight years old, and if memory serves, was exposed to the animated "Really Rosie" as a syndicated special. The half hour video adapted the poetry and artwork of Maurice Sendak, best known then and now for Where The Wild Things Are. In less than 30 minutes, a short series of books called The Nutshell Library was set to music and performed by the legendary Carole King.

For decades afterwards, songs such as "One Was Johnny" and Chicken Soup With Rice," were lodged in my head.

Flash forward to last year on a trip to Massachusetts, when I was able to pick up a copy of the special on VHS in a used book store. Said video was filed away, with my thinking I would enjoy it again when the time was right.

Today, the time was right. I had a half-hour hole in my lesson plan on poetry, so I screened the video for my eighth grade middle school classes (I teach English, by the way) to reinforce the concepts of alliteration and rhyme.

I wasn't sure the admittedly dated animation would hold some of the attention of today's kids ... but, amazingly enough, all of my blocks were well-behaved, and seemed to really enjoy the special! There was no sleeping, and talking was non-existant. A pleasant surprise, and one that helped me to remember that even today's jaded teens are still children in so many ways....