Bat-Flat!

From a long sold out t-shirt design at Threadless.com.

Plastic Surgery With Criswell!

Second in a series of selected future visions from legendary psychic Criswell, star of several Ed Wood Jr. movies. As always, this one comes from from his eerie 1968 book of predictions.

Facelifting

I PREDICT that by 1980 you will be able to lift your own face in your own home for only $5.00. A new chemical will be developed in our Veterans Hospital for battle scar tissue will soon be available to the public. You will buy it by the jar, put in on your face and in three days time look half your age.

Model Home

So ... I read Eric Puchner's Model Home in a rush of two days this week (an impressive rate with my schedule these days) and I have to say, it was beautifully written and touched me in ways that are still resonating. I know I saw many elements of my own marriage reflected in the prose, and suspect you will as well if you take my advice and read this frequently laugh-out-loud funny novel. I guess that is why it affected me as much as it did. I kept hoping for a "happy" ending for the Ziller family, but none was forthcoming ... which, I suspect, is realistic and made the novel sing so truly.

The first half (Summer 1985 - the year I graduated from high school) was truly amusingly bittersweet and still gave the reader a sense of everything working out for this collection of characters. The second half (Summer 1986) dashed that sense into microscopic pieces, but I can't say I was angry, or upset ... for no matter how painful life is, we keep moving homeward towards an unknown destination.

I had a similar sense of resignated loss at the end of the Coen Brothers' film A Serious Man ... which, if you haven't seen, you should ... especially if you read Puchner's very human novel, which I wholeheartedly recommend.

Educational Musing #1

At times, successful teaching is nothing but a series of happy accidents.

Case in point: I’m closing the books on the final grades of the semester, and reviewing one of the last assignments I gave my American Literature classes: Compare Jay Gatsby from the novel The Great Gatsby to the star of Edwin Arlington Robinson’s poem “Richard Cory.”

Almost every essay I’ve read about the two men has made some excellent connections between the two doomed protagonists, and presented keen insights into what made Gatsby tick, as well as what might have caused Cory to go home one calm summer night and “put a bullet through his head.” So, I know this exercise in examining the two characters has proven fruitful. I have the evidence in my hand via their writing.

I’m actually getting that warm “successful teacher” buzz just writing about the experience. Was this masterful classroom planning on my part? Perhaps. Being familiar with your curriculum is vital, yes … but even though I’ve taught “Richard Cory” before, I’ve never made the connection to Gatsby. This time, through a happy accident, the spot in the textbook where “Cory” lies fell open during the same time we were reading Gatsby. Re-reading the poem, I made the connection, and in turn, revised the daily lesson plan to see what the students would have to say.

So, a day in the classroom proved to be magnificent thanks to random chance, and while I’m feeling good about myself in presenting the poem when I did, I’m feeling ten times better about the kids.

They "got it," and that makes all the difference.

Night of the Living Dead

So, I'm at the gym on the exercise cycle and glance up at the bank of television screens mounted above me, and witness on one set the withered faces of Bob "Bob" Newhart (81 years old) exchanging dialogue with David "Illya / Ducky" McCallum (76 years old) in an episode of NCIS. On the adjoining screen was a new commercial with Bob "Showcase Showdown" Barker (87 years old) plugging State Farm Insurance - complete with iconic microphone in hand.

I watched their silent faces, secretly pleased to see a trio of familiar friends, and wondered who else in the room might share my private delight. An array of younger, harder bodies were oblivious.

I reflected on my own rapidly aging and saggy status, and pedaled my exercise bike even harder.

Elvis Has Left The Bindery

I grew up with Elvis by my side, thanks to my mother's devotion to the man from Memphis. She bequeathed to me her love of all things Presley. Even to this day, I can still sit through and equally enjoy sublime material such as the '68 Comeback Special or utter dreck ala 'Clambake,' and find myself transformed to the hideous orange shag carpeting that adorned the floor of our living room on Badgett Avenue.

When asked by my editors at Captone to write a graphic novel biography of the King, I didn't hesitate to accept the assignment.

Click the book cover above to learn more.

In The Not Too Distant Future

And now it's time for another exciting installment of ANCIENT BLOG THEATRE!

When last we peeked at the embryonic first version of the Pop Culture Debris blog (which vanished into the ether years ago thanks to the demise of hosting site Bloki), I was still sifting previous entries for re-posting.

I think I've found a good 'un dating back to August 21, 2003. My original introductory text is below.


Click the Chick Tract to enjoy!


Frequently hilarious MST3K fan piece, in which Crow, Tom and Mike are forced to view a Jack T. Chick comic. Some laugh out loud funny lines. I still think a MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 comic book is a viable idea (and as I recall, I discussed doing one with collaborator Bill Neville years ago ...). Link comes courtesy of Bill Sherman's Pop Culture Gadabout blog.

A Reboot That Works

While the first season of Fox's Human Target had an amazing pilot, later episodes ran the gamut from "damn good cup of coffee" to "eh, is this all you got?" More often than not, they fell under the latter, with the primary reason to watch at all being Jackie Earle Haley's deadpan portrayal as the man of mystery with only one name: Guerrero.


However, the second season reboot - which added two new female cast members, more reliance on pop music in the weekly scores, and a international espionage spy hook - is overall a better show. Mark Valley has settled into the role as the wry Christopher Chance and now wears it with a mix of humor and "tormented hero with a dark past" that is very engaging. Chi McBride's Winston huffs and puffs, but peeks into his quirky private life have helped to humanize the character. Count me in as pleasantly surprised (although the "Guerrero as master torturer jokes" have outworn their welcome).

Of course, for the past two weeks, Fox has been running double episodes on Wednesday nights back to back, which is never a good sign (especially since the show has only a 13 episode order). This usually is a sign of burning off a series, and that has me worried about a third season.

In other words, watch it now ... while you still can.

Criswell Predicts: North Carolina

First in a series of selected future visions from legendary psychic Criswell, star of several Ed Wood Jr. movies (as taken from his 1968 book of predictions).

North Carolina

I predict that North Carolina will face economic growth in the 1970s with the development of artifical tobacco that is completely harmless. This will be developed in North Carolina. But that state will, while enjoying economic growth, be subjected to racial violence and natural disasters. Many towns, large and small, will be the scenes of violence in 1969 and 1970. And the shifting coastline of the 1980s will destroy many coastal towns.

Christmas Memories from the 1970's

Sleepless nights and early mornings. Hideous orange and red shag carpeting. A haze of cigarette smoke from my father. Santa's inability to assemble both of my bicycles correctly (in a span of six years apart, his mechanical skills never improved). Plaid furniture – plaid pants. My baby sister when she truly was my “baby” sister. Odd visits from unnamed and unseen relatives (except in December).

*****

Side note - best non-Santa gift ever? The Mego Mobile Bat-Lab from my Uncle Carl. Half-watching the Christmas Day Parade on television while playing in the living room floor. Fifty dollars worth of yearly Santa swag made flesh by way of the Sears Wish Book and our sole retail credit card.

*****

Posed photographs in which my parents become smaller in stature and height, while my sister and I both sadly, inexorably, outgrow the magic of Christmas.

Five A.M. Observations About Oz

So, if water melts a Wicked Witch, how does she take a bath?

I know from Frank Zappa that ships (as a rule) arrive too late to save drowning witches, but it matters not if they dissolve when placed in water. Salt water must really do a number on a witch's skin. All that remains is the pointy hat, and that alone is hardly worthy of rescue.

Or does she even bathe? And if not, is that why her skin is green?

Or was she belted by gamma rays?

Or does she just reek to high heaven?

And ... could you even smell her in a castle filled with flying monkeys? After all, only the Great and Powerful Oz himself knows where the turrets and castle corners are that might contain fistfuls of flung simian poo.

Margaret Hamilton, our lonely nation turns its eyes to you.

400?!

According to WXII TV 12, as well as Johnny Shelton, head of the local EMS, in the last 24 hours of torrential snowfall, there have been over FOUR HUNDRED ACCIDENTS in Surry County, NC!

Surely this must be some sort of collision record in these here parts (clumsy grammar added on purpose).

Now, I'm all for getting out of the house when cabin fever descends like a wet parachute over the inside of the living room, but even coma victims knew to play as inanimate objects and stay put last night.

Over 400 accidents (shakes head). Well, I suppose the body shops can use the extra business as we quickly rustle though the last weeks of the holiday season.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Tow Truck Man!

Kung Fu Requiem

Ashley Holt not only crafted the wonderful tribute artwork above, but writes about the death of David Carradine in a note perfect mix of childhood nostalgia, social commentary, and wry observation.

Who Knew Conan O'Brien Was In Such Great Shape?

Perhaps I'm easily amused, but I think this cross-country opening of Conan's taking over the command chair at NBC's The Tonight Show is nothing short of brilliant. The monologue that followed ... er, not so much, but I've never thought of him as a "joke teller" so much as a humorous conceptualist anyway. I've read reviews that griped about the numerous sketches during this first week of shows, but the critics seem to be missing the point. Of course the show is going to have a different feel with a new host, and like or loathe Leno, his filmed pieces usually fell flat (or celebrated the woeful ignorance of the American public). Even if Conan stumbles from time to time, credit his writing and production staff with being as experimental as possible in a new time slot with a potentially new (and larger) audience.

TV GUIDE: July 2, 1977

Borrowing (stealing) a page from Al Bigley's recent TV GUIDE-oriented blog posts, I dug out a vintage issue I had in the stack o' reading material for review. Nothing particularly special about this issue, at least on the surface - and what a ghastly surface to behold! Enjoy the awkward, yet strangely fascinating cover shown above featuring the stars of Alice! I picked it up at the flea market along with a handful of other issues for twenty-five cents a pop (not a bad price for instant nostalgia).

Here's three quick tidbits from inside this issue:

"Gaining nary a gray hair in the process, Wonder Woman will leap forward from World War II to 1977 merely by entering a disco time machine and ... sorry ... merely by switching the series from ABC to CBS next season. LYNDA CARTER as Wonder Woman will still assist an intelligence agent played by LYLE WAGGONER, but how does he stay young? Simple. He's now the son of the man Wonder Woman worked for 30 years ago."

First thought: Ewww. Second thought: This is the season where a so-called "cute" robot named Ira (?) was added to the cast. Final though: Shades of the Captain America/Peggy Carter/Sharon Carter love triangle, and if you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, you're probably reading the wrong blog ....

"New Version of Star Trek is On Launching Pad. Paramount Pictures is planning to produce 22 episodes of an all-new Star Trek to begin appearing in April 1978. It is part of an effort to create one night a week of prime-time programs on a proposed "fourth network' of independent and network-affiliated stations. Paramount has signed Gene Roddenberry, the original producer, to put together the new show at a cost of $400,000 an episode. Will Trekkie heroes from the original series be back? That hasn't been decided yet."

In other words, Shatner's in - he's tired of doing dinner theatre, but Nimoy's trying to get a piece of the action from the Trek-licensing machine at this particular junction of his career.

And lastly ...

"Paul Michael Glaser has returned to his role as Starsky in ABC's Starsky and Hutch. A lawsuit was in progress and two days of testimony had been taken when an agreement was reached between Glaser and the producers. In the settlement, the actor, who made $10,000 an episode last year and was to earn $12,500 for 1977-78, will get a raise and some directing assignments. His new salary is said to be $25,000 per show."

Shh! Settle down Glaser - do you want to give Nimoy ideas?

Seriously, do you?

Jaw-droppingly awful cover artwork copied from the good folks at http://www.coverbrowser.com/ ... lots of great magazine artwork (not including this example) to be found here!

Good!

Instruments of Enlightenment

For every op-ed piece such as this one as reported in The Nation, I find solace in the independent publishers who beat back against the tide, including Winston Salem's own Press 53 (which I highly recommend you click over and check out this very moment).

Still, having been a professional working writer for - my god - twenty years this June, I've lived through so many permutations to smash into the venues in which I've toiled (newspapers, comics, children's stories, paperback originals, coloring and activity books, newsletters, etc. ) that the one constant I can attest to when it comes to publishing is this:

For all of the constant visual and aural noise we are consumed by daily, the written word will always have value, and books will always have the power to move the mind, body and soul.

If the delivery method changes, then so be it - but I'm going on record now to say the sheer tactile pleasure of the printed word vastly outweighs the electronic screen. If that makes me a book snob, so be it - lord knows as a collector I do so love to cling to physical objects (he says without a shred of intentional irony).

Okay, enough literary musings ... next entry will be more whimsical (I promise)!

Walt Disney's War of the Worlds (In Color)

Books Are No Passing Fad

Against all odds, a new bookstore opens with an amazing back story (and back list). Click the above photograph to learn more!

Pending Birthday Gift Suggestion #1